<soapbox>
Its that time of the year again... that time when the doubt washes over like a wave tsunami.  Thats right, a fucking tsunami.  When everything you do seems just on the wrong side of okay, in that little space between half-assed and pointless.  That marvelous annual tradition that I no matter how many times I deal with, it never seems to get any easier.  Its a feeling akin to that of a burn.  Like the kind you get cooking.  You finger hits the side of the pan and theres that split second where your mind goes, "SHIT!" and you drop everything your doing to nurse it.  You start to nurse it, and it feels better, until you realize that every little thing you do with that hand brings you immense discomfort.  Hurts like a bitch doesnt it, hits steam, you scream, water, you scream, you look at it wrong, you scream.......  Very close to that feeling....... so I felt that it was time that instead of ignoring the immense amount of shit piling up, I should give the people what they want.... whats that?  A SOAPBOX! *applause*

Of Art and Games: I seem to have fallen into a slump. (again)  That amazing feeling (haha) where you have thousands of ideas for a project, but every time you try to start one, you never think it looks right, and it seems that no matter how you try, it wont ever turn out right..... where you just dont have the motivation to create........ I hATE THIS FEELING! ... im working on ridding myself of the issue............ if anyone has anyway to help it would be appreciated....  I seem to be playing more and more video games in an attempt to hit some sort of mental trigger that will motivate me and inspire me to create something....... though it seems I feel that I am not playing as well as I usually do..... so the feeling of inadequacy seems to be applying itself everywhere, which only serves to be increasingly maddening.

Of Life and Death: Its a strange thing that Life be so damn difficult and Death be so damn inconvenient... (though life seems to be considerably more appealing than death)  Which is why today one of my serious thoughts was about abortion.  It started when I was driving and pulled next to a mini-van with a pro-life sticker on the back.  I started thinking, what in the world makes these people think they have the right to tell other people what to do with their bodies?  My position?  If the woman had sex willingly, then she needs to suck it the fuck up, and have the child.  Give it to another family, or a good home, but if you knew it could possibly happen, then thats your own damn fault, but if the woman was raped, then it wasnt her choice, and she can do whatever she wants to.  Whats the death half of this part?  THE DEATH PENALTY.  The death penalty in this country is bullshit.  A man can be placed on death row, and die of old age first.  If he does get executed, he gets a non-painful, humane injection.  THe same penalty for a myriad of crimes.  There was a man a few years ago that beat a girl to death with a 9 iron golf club.  My position?  Eye for an Eye.  If that man thinks its necessary to do that, then he can die the same way.  There was a mother that had 6 children, and felt it necessary to drown all 6 in a bathtub.  My punishment for her?  Almost drown her 5 times, and then drown her completely.  Its this kind of thinking that  keeps me running through the day.  Im sick, i know. Oh well.

Of Politics and Mental Issues:  Who will court vote for?  Certainly not Hillary.  I dont trust her at all.  Shes doing everything in her power to let everyone know what she is supporting, when she isnt supporting those things at all.  I want someone who will do what this country really needs, not what it thinks it needs.  We need a fuel alternative, not promises of one bought with oil company money.  We need cleaner lifestyles, we need social security, we need a justice system that will instill fear in criminals, not jails that are comfortable and inviting.  We need gay rights, we need socialized medicine, we need so much more than we think.  I dont think any of the candidates could offer all of that, but im hoping one of them could offer the majority... with this election coming up, i hope i find the right one.  The things i think of on a daily basis seem to coincide with the flaring mental issues.  

On deviantart Pageviews? blah. My issue is, with all these people watching me, who really cares?  Who really gives a shit about what I create or think or write?  It would be interesting to see who really reads this and actually leaves a comment that has anything to do with what ive written, not just a "Yeah i agree"  Something that actually has some merit or contributes to what Ive been thinking... something that will start a conversation and prove that there are actually people that give a rats ass about what I do here and the progress I make.  Im thinking of making a new account, one where I only post the progress I make, the serious things, and I will give that name to the people who care... maybe....
</soapbox> (for now)